Making peace with pace

Let me just say it right now: I am a slow runner.

In fact, I don't know if I have the right to call myself a runner at all, given my usual pace. Jogger is a more apt term but I really don't like that word.

In the name of owning my weakness, I am going to share it right now:

Twelve minutes per mile.

That's how "fast" I usually go on a long run.

I can do better on shorter runs of 5 miles or less. But even on those, I'm at or close to eleven minutes per mile.

When I'm running on popular routes, like the B-G trail or around Greenlake, people pass me constantly. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. I take a shameful pleasure on the all-too-rare occasion that I'm able to pass someone else.

I know that there are things I can do to increase my pace. More speed work. More running in general. But I don't want to do those things. I just don't want to be the slowest person on the road.

But the philosophical part of me thinks that it's good for me to get passed up. It forces me to question why I'm running, what my motivations are and how I define success. So, although it's a work in progress, I am trying to make pace with my pace.

Weekly roundup

Monday, 9/21:

4-mile run

This was supposed to be interval day, but SuperAthlete J invited me to a running event at the fabulous Market Street Athlete store -- so, instead of pushing my limits on the stairclimber, I got to try out a pair of Pearl Izumi shoes during a fun group run to Golden Gardens and back. The evening was gorgeous, the company was very fine, and after the run we were treated to pairs of Pearl Izumi socks, BPA-free water bottles, microbrews, electrolyte drinks and delicious snacks! It was delightful and well worth the torture that ensued on Tuesday ...

Tuesday, 9/22:

Full body weights

25 minutes on the elliptical trainer at zone 1 (125 bpm)

Intervals -- 3 sets of 2:00 at zone 2 (144-156 bpm); 10:00 at zone 4 (165-175 bpm)

Whew, a super tough workout. I've done intervals after weights a few times but this really kicked me in the ass -- probably due to a combination of the run I'd taken the night before (which was definitely fun but executed at a faster pace than I'm used to) and the intensity of this particular weight workout. It's one of my least faves and I'm always thankful to put it behind me ... although on this day I was hoping to make it last a bit because I was dreading the intervals. Who was really, really happy to leave the gym that day? One guess.

Wednesday, 9/23:

7-mile run

SuperAthlete J is really encouraging me to stick with the marathon training schedule -- as much as I can, anyway. The schedule calls for four days of running and one day of cross-training each week and that's too much running for me. At the most, I feel comfortable with three days. So, along with the long run for the week, I'm also doing the second-longest one (and one other, 5 miles or less, if I feel up for it).

The 7-miler was this week's second-longest run. Again, I got to enjoy the delightful company of SuperAthlete J and some wonderful sunshine. The route proved challenging for me ... the first mile was a long, slow uphill and I've found that I do much better overall when the first chunk of a run is flat. The last half mile was also uphill and I had to do several stop-and-walks to keep my heart rate in the right zone. But at least I finished.

Thursday, 9/24:

Upper body weights

45 minutes on the treadmill, super low zone 1 (100 bpm)

Still loving the new treadmill workout: 15% incline, 1.5-2mph ... although I have yet to get anywhere near the higher end of that range. I'm fine with that -- plus it gives me something to work toward!

Friday, 9/25:

10-mile run

This distance, I think, is supposed to represent a bit of a break in the training schedule -- next week, the long run is 15 miles (a distance I've never attempted before and that is causing me some anxiety). Husband M was out of town and that knocked my schedule a bit off kilter ... by the time I'd gotten Little C to school, eaten breakfast, digested and planned my route, it was after noon and warmer than I would have liked. Still, I set out with high hopes, sport beans and two water bottles filled with G2 Gatorade affixed to my belt.

Not a great run. I had to slow to a walk less than four miles in because I couldn't keep my heart rate below 156 -- and I spent the rest of the run keeping a close eye on it. I probably ended up taking a walk break every 10-15 minutes, which wasn't bad ... but I couldn't figure out why I was having such a hard time. The heat? My pace was faster because I was alone and not chatting with SuperAthlete J? I was tired and hadn't given myself enough recovery from the week's earlier workouts? I don't know -- I was just glad to get it over with.

Sautrday, 9/26:

Rest day

Heaven, heaven, heaven.

Sunday, 9/27:

Full body weights

45 minutes on the elliptical trainer at mid zone 1 (125 bpm)

The perfect springboard to next week's workouts ... or so I hope.

Ass-kicking tricep dips

Holy crap, these are hard -- at least they are for me. But they're a great way to do something quick and you can pull them off anywhere you have access to a bench, ledge or chair.

Here's what to do:

• Put yourself in a seated position on the edge of your bench, ledge or chair.

• Adjust your feet so your legs are positioned in a 90º angle. If you want to be a badass, move your feet farther away from you. If you're not feeling terribly macho, move them closer in.

• Support yourself on the heels of your hands with your fingers pointing out.

• Raise your butt off the bench/chair/ledge, then use your arm strength (not your legs!) to lower yourself down. Don't go down so far that you can't get back up, but do go down far enough so that you feel your triceps working.

• Do 2 sets of 15 or 20.

You can also mix things up by lowering yourself down to a count of 3, then coming back up on a count of 1. Or vice versa: lower down to a count of 1, back up to a count of 3.

I must say that I find defined triceps to be super sexy on both men and women -- and this exercise is a great way to get them. Have fun!

1 mile = 100 calories

Isn't that handy to know? In general, we burn 100 calories for every mile we run. During all my poking around for info about weight gain during marathon training, I saw that formula repeated several times. It's going to be useful to have in the back of my mind when I consider whether I can justify seconds at dinner or a bigger afternoon snack than usual.

Finding balance with food and rest

I've been hungrier than usual this week, and yesterday I was insatiable: all I wanted to do was eat, eat, eat. And while I feel quite good at exercising, apparently I am terrible at exercising my will power: I gave in to my cravings right and left. During and between my eating festivals, I was reminded of a couple articles I posted about earlier -- the one from TIME about how exercise won't make you thin:

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1914857,00.html

And the one I found online about the potential for weight gain during marathon training. When I went back to look for it just now I found a slew of articles devoted to the topic. Here's one I liked better, that delves more deeply into why people may gain weight while training for a distance run:

http://www.everyday-sports-nutrition-for-women.com/marathontrainingweightgain.html

I don't like the foo-foo inspirational stuff in the article, but I think the info is good. I'm particularly interested in the point about glycogen stores; I'd like to look into that further and dedicate a separate post to it.

From reading those articles, I know that I took two common missteps yesterday. After a challenging 7 miles with Super Athlete J in the morning, I overcompensated with 1) excess calories and 2) excess rest. In fact, I have to admit that when I did get up off my butt yesterday afternoon, it was more often than not to get a snack.

Now, one day of this isn't terrible. I know rest is important and I'm guessing there might be a womanly cycle-type reason for my urge to eat everything in sight. However, after seeing the barrage of information available online about gaining weight while training for a marathon, I can see all too clearly that I need to be mindful about how much I'm eating and laying around.

Honestly, I would be quite sad if I gained significant weight while working toward a marathon. But I don't want to fall into deprivation mode, where I'm severely limiting my calories while continuing or increasing my usual rigorous workout routines (something that's unfortunately quite easy for me to do). Conversely, I don't want to get into a pattern of "rewarding" my hard work with tons of extra calories and hours on the couch. I tend to see everything in terms of black and white, and this situation is a great illumination of that. How do I find the middle ground between those two extremes? How do I make sure I get what I need without under- or over-doing it?

That's the big question. And it may be ridiculous to pose it after a single day of over-eating and over-resting. But it is something to think about ... especially if I notice that my pants are a bit tighter when I put them on next week after wearing shorts all summer long.

Lesson learned: don't try new equipment on a long run

This seems like a no-brainer, doesn't it? But apparently it wasn't to me.

I've been looking for a comfortable device to let me carry water and fuel on long runs (a necessary hassle that I am slowly resigning myself to). Last week, I bought what seemed like a good option. Here's what it looked like:

This was actually my second try with one of these. I bought one last year while training for my third half marathon and didn't like it -- the size I bought didn't fit comfortably around my hips and I felt like I was suffocating if I put it around my waist. I toughed it out on the last few long runs before the half marathon, completed the event, and never used it again.

Since my main issue with it was the size, I thought I'd get a bigger one -- which I did last week. I tried it on in the store, jogged around, and it seemed good. It felt comfortable on my hips and stayed put, although I didn't have much room to tighten it if needed. (Do you sense trouble brewing?)

Fast forward to Friday, my long run day. I filled up the water bottles, stowed my sport beans and other necessaries in the zippered pouch, then headed out with J. Less than half a mile in, I realized that my new contraption was not going to work: it was bouncing all over the place and the heavy bottles pulled it down my hips. I tightened it as much as I could but that didn't help. I considered holding it in place -- not very realistic on a 13-mile run -- or ditching it, but smart J suggested that I tie it on instead of using the Velcro. Brilliant!, I thought.

But not only did I tie it too tightly, I didn't realize that I'd done so until nearly the end of the run. By the time I got home and took it off, I had a the beginnings of a huge swollen bruise in the middle of my groin, where the knot had pressed into my flesh. And to go with it, I had some very attractive chafing at the top of my butt crack, where the zippered pouch had rubbed too hard.

Three days later, I am still sore and puffy between the hips. I don't know if I've ever had a bruise in this exact spot! But my little injuries are great reminders for the lesson I'm never going to forget: no new equipment allowed on long runs. From here on out, I'll try new stuff on shorter runs to make sure it's comfortable and works the way I need it to.

Weekly roundup

Last week's exercise

Monday, 9/14:

Intervals -- three sets of 2:00 @ zone 2 (144-156 bpm), then 10:00 @ zone 4 (165-175 bpm)

For the time being, I'm not going to try to increase my zone 4 times -- I'm working plenty hard on my endurance with running right now, and I've already made it to the goal that smart Izette at Real Rehab gave me last year. Until I can: a) make a decision about/complete/attempt the Seattle Marathon; and b) afford the fee for a new EMR, I'm going to stick to this pattern of intervals and do it once a week.

Tuesday, 9/15:

Full-body weights

40 minutes on the newfangled elliptical machine at the gym, zone 2 (147 bpm)

I love these new machines but man are they ass-kickers. They're called Adaptive Motion Trainers and they're made by Precor. Here's a link to see what they look like: http://www.precor.com/comm/en/amt. And they're not extra hard simply because they involve arm movement too -- my gym has some older elliptical trainers that make you use your arms and they're not nearly as challenging as these new guys. It's got to be something about the way the lower-body part works ... that you can lengthen or shorten your stride, plus increase or decrease the resistance. There's a lot more flexibility to these machines.

Wednesday, 9/16:

6-mile run

The first time I've taken a rainy run in a long time! I headed out immediately after buying the shoes I wrote about in my last post. I ran a couple times around Green Lake, plus another half mile to make sure I did a full 6 (the inner path around the lake is 2.8 miles and there are markers every quarter mile). Almost exactly at mile 1, the sky opened up and it started to pour. It was still pretty warm outside, though, so I didn't suffer -- except at the end of the run, when I realized that I forgotten to put on my Body Glide ... all the extra moisture from the rain contributed to a huge chafing rash across my sternum. (BTW, I can't rave enough about Body Glide; it's saved my skin on countless occasions. Here's a link to it on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/BodyGlide-Anti-Chafing-Stick/dp/B001FSL8MA.) The rash was the last straw -- I decided I had to find a new bra before my long run on Friday.

Thursday, 9/17:

Upper-body weights

45 minutes on the treadmill at low zone 1 (100 bpm)

My second time doing the new fat-burner that Trainer A recommended to me. Love it!

Friday, 9/18:

13-mile run

Yee-haw! What a great, hope-building run. Not only did I have new shoes, socks and a sport bra -- I also carried water and sport beans AND enjoyed the very fine company of J for the first 9.6 miles of the run. Icing on the cake? It was a fabulously beautiful day and we had a gorgeous route that took us past lots of amazing views.

My shoes and socks felt incredible ... for the first time in months, I didn't come away from my long run with blisters. And I loved, loved the sport beans. Here's a link to them: http://www.sportbeans.com/. I had the "Extreme Watermelon" flavor and found them to be yummy but not overpowering, and small enough to fit comfortably in my mouth. I've tried several options for quick fuel on long runs and haven't liked any of them ... I'm thankful to have finally found something palatable.

J and I turned out to be great running partners. She's a total star athlete and her natural pace is far faster than mine (as I humiliatingly discovered on a couple runs with her earlier this year) -- but as I mentioned in an earlier post, she's working to stay in her fat-burning zones on long runs, which means she has to slow down quite a bit. Thanks to that, we're now quite compatible! I couldn't get an accurate read from my heart rate monitor thanks to the barricade of Band Aids I had on my chest to cover the chafing from Wednesday's run. So I just slowed down whenever J needed to and assumed that I was OK as long as I felt good. She was only running 10 miles that day, and we split off at 9.6 miles. I finished my 13 feeling strong and like I can definitely push my distance ... whether I can push to 26 miles remains to be seen.

The only off note about the run: I tried out a new water-carrying device and feel so strongly about what happened that I'm going to do a separate post about it.

Saturday, 9/19:

Rest day, yay!

And what a perfect day for it: chilly and rainy. Little C and I stayed inside for most of the day; we left only to go to her soccer game (where she played like a trooper despite the showery weather) and out to dinner.

Sunday, 9/20:

Full-body weights

45 minutes on the elliptical at zone 1 (125 bpm)

All in all, a very satisfying week!

Shopping, ugh.

Why do I get so worked up when it's time to buy new gear? I use my old stuff until it's literally falling apart because I so dread finding, buying and breaking in something new. Because I've worn everything I own straight into the ground, I now find myself in the unfortunate position of needing all new everything, all at once.

Not only is that a big fat investment, it takes a lot of time and energy. And I get particularly anxious about finding and buying stuff that I have large expectations for. Now that I'm ramping up my running, I really need everything to work the way exactly the way it's supposed to. Finding supportive, comfortable shoes that won't lead to an injury is the biggest issue, of course. But I also need socks that won't contribute to blisters, a sport bra that's supportive and won't give me uniboob, pants that won't chafe on a 10+ mile run, tops that breathe and cover my super-long torso, a jacket that sheds water but won't make me feel like I'm running inside a greenhouse, a contraption that I can comfortably wear to carry water and fuel, the fuel itself, stuff, more stuff, and stuff again!

Let me say it right now: I don't like shopping. I like making an uninformed decision even less. So when it's time to shop, I do a lot of looking around and double-checking to make sure I'm getting the best thing for my needs. What a hassle.

So this week has been filled with shopping. First (and completely unrelated to running), I bought a bike. Little C and I have been riding back and forth to school every day, and I've been trying to ride when I'm doing things around the neighborhood -- especially when I go to the gym. I've been riding my husband's bike but it's pretty junky and not a good fit for me. So I finally bit the bullet and bought my own bike, which I am completely in love with. It's a Cannondale Adventure 5 -- a big fat bike, designed to keep me completely upright, with a gigantic cushy seat. It's like a rolling Barcalounger and I am in heaven riding it around. I bought it at Bikesport here in Ballard and they were fantastic. Plus, what a great domain name!

http://ilovemybike.com/

The successful purchase of my new bike, along with a lock and helmet, gave me some much-needed energy to tackle the other items I needed. I will not bore you with the long tale of the many stores I visited, the countless items I tried on, and the inestimable number of times I scratched my head and tried to decide what to buy. But I did come away with new shoes, a new bra, new socks, and a water/fuel contraption. Am I done? Unfortunately no. But at least I'm covered for my next long run or two.

Want to know where I got my stuff? Shoes, socks and water/fuel contraption came from Road Runner Sports. I feel guilty not patronizing a locally owned business but the Road Runner return policy can't be beat. I'm not sure how I feel about their whole "VIP membership" thing, which gives you 10% off on your purchases and some other stuff I didn't pay attention to -- are they just marking up the prices so they can charge you $20 for an annual membership that entitles you to 10% off the stuff you buy? Probably. But the swank return policy is worth a little funny business as far as I'm concerned. Here's a link to their site:

http://www.roadrunnersports.com/

If return policy matters less to you, I have a huge thumbs up for the service and expertise at two local Seattle shops: Market Street Athlete and Super Jock-n-Jill. The folks there really know their stuff ... the businesses are just too small to be able to offer a cushy 60-day return policy like the one at Road Runner. Here's links to them:

http://marketstreetathlete.blogspot.com/

http://www.superjocknjill.com/

My new sport bra came from Lululemon Athletica and I looooove it. Here's a link to their website and the bra I got.

http://www.lululemon.com/

http://shop.lululemon.com/Ta_Ta_Tamer/pd/np/520/p/1301.html

I'm a little embarrassed buying a bra called the "Ta Ta Tamer," but man, this one does the job.

Now I'm going to rest -- propping up our flagging economy is tiring!

Super fat burner on the treadmill

I just talked about this in my last post, but it's buried in the middle of a bunch of potentially boring exercise recap and I want to make it easier to find.

Here's my favorite new fat-burning exercise, courtesy of awesome Trainer A at Olympic Athletic Club:

• Get on the treadmill.

• Set the incline to 15%.

• Set the pace at 1.5-2mph.

• Start walking and keep your heart rate at 60% of your maximum; reduce the speed on the treadmill if it goes much higher than that.

• Go as long as you like -- half an hour to an hour.

That's it, easy as pie! Don't know how to determine your maximum heart rate? It's simple, just subtract your age from 220, then do the math to find out what 60% of that is. No heart rate monitor? No worries. Most treadmills have hand sensors that can read your heart rate, or you can always do it the old-fashioned way: take your pulse for 10 seconds, then multiply by 6.

Enjoy!

Weekly roundup

This week's exercises

Monday, 9/7:

45 minutes on the elliptical trainer @ 147 bpm (zone 2)

I was supposed to lift weights but ran out of time -- fortunately, I realized I could move the weights into the next day and still be able to make the rest of my lifting schedule for the week. I wasn't super excited about doing intervals after a full-body weight workout, but it ended up being fine.

Tuesday, 9/8:

Full-body weights

Intervals -- three sets of 2:00 @ zone 2, followed by 10:00 at zone 4

Like I said above, weights followed by intervals didn't feel as hard as I'd anticipated. Intervals are never my favorite and I was especially dreading them after my pathetic experience last week but they weren't bad at all. Lucky me! Even though I'm tempted to try for longer time periods in zone 4, I think I'm going to be satisfied with three sets of 10 minutes for now. That's plenty, and it's good for me to learn some frickin' restraint.

Wednesday, 9/9:

50 minutes on the treadmill at super-low zone 1

Ooh, a new workout that I'm really happy about, but first the story behind it.

Earlier this week, I spent over an hour planning my workout schedule from now until the Seattle Marathon in November. It was complicated because I wanted to move my long run to a weekday, take a rest day before the long run -- and have the rest day take place on a weekend so I can have one full day at home with my family and no exercise. My favorite trainer at the gym told me a few months ago that I should be taking a rest day BEFORE my longest run of the week, and I've always done it after. So, because I'm getting all serious about my running and thinking about doing a marathon in a few months, this seemed like the time to follow his expert advice.

The very day after I'd scheduled nearly three months of workouts, I ran into said trainer at the gym. I shyly told him about my marathon hopes and he didn't laugh at me or look skeptical, which was extra nice. Then I talked about my calendar and how I'd moved my rest day to before the long run, instead of after. Can you see what's coming next? He told me that since I'm only taking one rest day each week, it should happen after the long run -- because I really need the recovery. As unenthusiastic as I was about redoing the whole schedule, I was a little relieved: I'd much rather rest the day after a big run and, given the constraints of the other parts of my life, rest days following runs are easier to plan for.

So I reorganized the calendar and now I'm good to go 'til November 29. But before Trainer A and I stopped talking, he told me that my workout the day before the long run should be even easier than what I've been doing (usually upper body weights and 45 minutes at mid-zone 1 -- 125 bpm -- on the elliptical). He said it's fine to continue the upper body weights but I should take it super easy on the cardio front.

And then he gave me a great, new, super fat-burning, day-before-long-run workout:

• get on the treadmill

• set the incline to 15%

• set the pace at 1.5-2mph

• keep heart rate at 60% of your max (that's about 100bpm for me)

So easy! So fun! So satisfying to know I'm burning a load of fat and doing what's right for my body the day before a long run! Yee-haw! And you know, I thought for sure that I'd have to go higher than 2mph to reach 100 bpm ... far from it. Instead, I had to drop to 1.4mph. I think it was good for my ego to walk so slowly on the treadmill in front of everyone at the gym -- this one was a winner all the way around!

Thursday, 9/10:

12 mile "run"

I whined about this one earlier; 'nuff said.

Friday, 9/11:

Rest day

I had foolishly planned to do upper body weights on this day but was simply too tired and demoralized after Thursday's run. Besides, I really wanted to honor the word "rest" by not doing any kind of formal exercise. Even though I couldn't complete all three of my weight workouts this week, I think it was for the best.

Saturday, 9/12:

6-mile run

Oh, so satisfying! I have a whole new perspective on running, thanks to my friend J, who got me started on this whole marathon route by showing up at my house one night with a personalized training schedule in hand. She's tenacious, that J! And she just had an EMR (exercise metabolic test) that told her she's been running too hard -- her heart rate is too high to be efficient. So now she's running with her heart rate monitor and staying in her efficient zone, even if it means slowing to a walk.

Listening to her talk about what she's doing was fantastic; it totally brought me back to my senses. I'm not doing myself any favors by pushing myself so hard -- if I want to build my base and endurance, I've got to stay in those lower heart rate zones even if I have to slow to a walk like J!

With that happy new attitude, I headed out for 6 miles on Saturday and had a wonderful time. I kept my eye on my heart rate and slowed down every time it went over 156. Toward the end, I had to do some walking up a small hill, and I made peace with it by reminding myself that I'm burning fat at that heart rate -- my body is still working hard, but not too hard. I felt great during and after, and I'm actually looking forward to my next long run to see how I'll feel. Fingers crossed!

Sunday, 9/13:

50 minutes on the elliptical trainer at 125 bpm (zone 1)

Kathy Smith DVD full-body weights

This was an unusual day of exercise for me -- because of the family and home stuff we had going on, I had to squeeze my exercise in where I could. I went to the gym for cardio first, then did Kathy Smith at home a few hours later. Not ideal, but at least I got everything done.

Remind me again why I'm doing this?

I'm so on the fence about whether or not to try for the full Seattle marathon in November. How I feel about it is apparently in direct relation to how my last long run went, and how tired I'm feeling in general.

I ran (or perhaps I should say "ran") 12 miles today. I didn't get off to a great start. I haven't been feeling well this week -- ever since last Saturday's long run, I've felt like I'm fighting something off, maybe a cold. My chest is tight, I'm sneezing more than usual, and I go to bed every night feeling like something's brewing and I'll wake up sick in the morning. Then I wake up feeling somewhat better than I did the night before and the whole thing starts again.

I felt "off" this morning but didn't want to push my long run into tomorrow. It was a gorgeous day and I really didn't have an excuse not to go out. So I made myself go.

The first couple miles weren't great, but then I settled into a nice groove and started composing Facebook status updates in my head. Here's the cockiest one I came up with: "A beautiful day for 12 not-impossible miles. Seattle Marathon here I come?"

Then came mile 8, and the beginning of my downfall. I started to feel really tired. My heart rate was higher than it should have been (I like to keep it at 156 or below during a long run and it was heading into the mid-160s). My feet hurt. I pretty much lost my drive.

So I started letting myself take walk breaks. I just got a new book about marathoning for first-timers:

http://www.amazon.com/Run-Your-First-Marathon-Everything/dp/1602391203/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252639791&sr=8-4

The book is called "Run Your First Marathon: Everything You Need to Know to Reach the Finish Line" by Grete Waitz. She's a total star runner and won a bunch of high-profile marathons. She, along with several other authors of books on marathons, advocates taking periodic walk breaks. I haven't read deeply enough into the book yet to see how often she recommends them. What I've seen so far is generally a one-minute walk break every mile or every 10 minutes. I'm guessing Grete suggests the same thing.

Within my limited distance-running experience (I was training for my first half marathon two years ago this fall), I have been very reluctant to slow down and walk. It feels like cheating to me. But on my last two difficult runs -- today's and a brutal one last month -- I let myself take walk breaks. It didn't help a lot on last month's run; by the time I took my first break, I was already exhausted. But it did help today, perhaps because I could sense what was coming and took a break before I'd passed the point of no return.

I really do think the breaks are what let me finish the entire 12 miles today. I have to confess though, it doesn't really feel like I finished them. It still feels like cheating, and if I'm going to go for a full marathon, I'm going to have to make peace with that.

Because the more I work on increasing my distance, the more I feel that there's a very slim chance I'll be able to run the entire marathon -- even taking into consideration the stops I'll have to make for water, to use the bathroom and to eat gu or something like it; I know that's a given on a run of that distance. I also know I should be stopping for water and gu with the distances I'm running right now. Everything I've read says that you should carry (or stop for) water and fuel on runs that last more than an hour. I experimented with carrying those supplies when I was training for a summer half marathon last year and I hated it. I stopped and haven't gone back.

But now that I'm putting myself in uncharted territory, looking at running distances I've never attempted before, I'm going to have to make a plan. I will have to stop for water and fuel.

Or I could just stop trying for such a big distance. I've run three half marathons and will go for my fourth next month; why do I feel the need to do a full? I don't like having to stop, I don't like dealing with water and fuel in the middle of a run, I feel like a failure if I need to take walk breaks to finish my distance ... and that doesn't even take into consideration how I feel after a long run: I am wiped out. My stomach bugs me. I am sensitive and emotional and not fun to be around. The whole day ends up being about the run.

And if this is what I feel like at 12 miles, how will I feel at 15? 18? 20? I don't know. And I wish I understood why I feel compelled to try for a marathon. Right now, I am without a clue.

Weekly roundup

This week's exercise:

Monday, 8/31:

Full-body weight workout

45 minutes on the stairclimber @ zone 2 (147 bpm)

Tuesday, 9/1:

1-hour kickass run

What a treat, I felt fantastic for the last mile and was able to pick up my pace in a big way. I sprinted the last half mile or so and it felt great!

Wednesday, 9/2:

Full-body weight workout

45 minutes on the elliptical @ high zone 1 (140 bpm)

I usually do 134 bpm on my first zone 1 day of the week, but the keypad on the elliptical wouldn't recognize the number "3", so I decided to go higher instead of lower.

Thursday, 9/3:

(Failed) interval day

To build on last week's happy success, I aimed for three sets of 2:00 @ zone 2; 10:30 @ zone 4, on the stairclimber. After 20 minutes of warmup at zone 1 on the elliptical, I made it through the first set of intervals with more difficulty than I'd anticipated. I only made it to 6 and a half minutes on the second set before stopping. Really, before I even knew what I was doing, my hand jumped out and decreased the level on the stairclimber.

Feeling like I literally can't continue happens to me so rarely that I decided to respect it. Was that a victory or a copout? I couldn't and still can't decide. All I knew was that the workout felt extra, extra hard -- much harder than it had the week before. Maybe that was because last week I was off my schedule and had a rest day two days before I tackled intervals, whereas this week I was back to my regular routine and even worked out harder than usual on Tuesday and Wednesday. Or maybe it was because Aunt Flo was in town this week (here comes the TMI train). Or maybe I was just having an off day.

Regardless, I slumped off the stairclimber and moved to the elliptical for another 8 and a half minutes so I'd get to a total of 50 minutes of cardio. I was aiming for an hour but ran out of time -- I was meeting my husband for happy hour sushi and had to get there quick if we wanted to score the cheap goodies. So I told myself I'd make up the 10 minutes on Friday. Did I? No.

Friday, 9/4:

Bis/tris weight workout

45 minutes on the elliptical at low zone 1 (125 bpm)

I was running late for a meeting so couldn't make up the 10 minutes of cardio from the day before. I told myself that my big Saturday run, plus the bike riding and swimming I did with little C this week, would take care of it. Truth or excuse? Still not sure.

Saturday, 9/5:

11-mile run

Happily, it felt great! The weather was cool, the route was relatively flat, and I never felt totally wiped out. I ended strong and walked nearly two miles back home instead of calling M for a ride.

I did make one mistake that put a bit of a damper on the rest of the afternoon: I had a nonfat mocha (I keep reading how chocolate milk is a good recovery drink) and a handful of almonds 30 or so minutes after I finished -- and waited too long to eat something substantial after that. The caffeine hit me like a sledgehammer. I got really queasy and, more TMI, suffered through a couple rounds of diarrhea. Next time, I'll skip the caffeine and get something good to eat more quickly. Hopefully that will do the trick ... although I'm still on the fence about the Seattle Marathon in November, I'm training as if I'm going to do it. If I felt that crappy after 11 miles and coffee wasn't the culprit, how awful am I going to feel when I attempt 20 (the longest training run on the schedule) or 26 on the day of the event?

I can't even go there right now.

Bad news about late-night snacking

Here's an article from TIME about late-night eating:

Midnight Snacks: More Fattening Than You Feared?

I am a devoted evening eater. In the summer, 9:00 is not an unusual dinnertime for our family. And even in the winter, when we aim for earlier dinners to accommodate the girls' bedtimes, I tend to snack before bed. It's part of my apparently all-wrong way of eating. I do eat three meals a day, plus an afternoon snack after a hard workout or if I'm feeling really hungry -- but I save the bulk of my calories for the evening. I like going through the day knowing that there's a reward at the end. So I eat virtually the same thing for breakfast every day: a double-tall nonfat latte (made at home on my super-awesome machine); a slice of toasted flax bread with a tablespoon of peanut butter and jam; and half a piece of fruit or a handful of berries. I try not to have bread again at lunch -- and if I'm trying to be virtuous (read: feeling like my pants are becoming tighter), I'll eat a cup of nonfat, plain Greek yogurt topped with sliced fruit or berries and a serving of frosted mini wheats. If I'm cutting myself some slack, I might have soup or a turkey wrap or leftover dinner from the night before if it's available. If I need an afternoon snack, I'll have another nonfat latte or a handful of nuts or hummus with a few crackers or one of those Special K 100 calorie bars ... something along those lines.

Not bad so far, right? But at dinner, I usually cut loose a bit. Both because of the aforementioned appeal of feeling like there's a reward waiting for me at the end of the day -- and because dinner is the meal where I'm preparing food not only for myself, but for three other hungry people who generally have less tolerance for supremely repetitive and/or lowfat meals. That's not to say we eat fat-filled dinners every night, far from it. We do plenty of chicken, soups (the ones I make are generally low in fat), salmon burgers, stuff like that. But we also offset those meals with burritos (which aren't too bad if we can control ourselves with the cheese and sour cream), pizza, pasta, meat loaf ... you get the picture.

And as long as I'm baring all, here's the rest: we also have dessert most nights. Not in any kind of formal way -- the girls usually rummage around for a sweet after they have dinner, and my husband and I do the same thing after they've gone to bed. I try to make sure we've got lowfat ice cream or fro yo on hand, but when my husband does the shopping he comes home with the premium goods. And if that's what's in the house, that's what we eat. I won't even get into the happy nights when he gets a wild hair and makes chocolate chip cookies ...

So really, I probably do consume more than 50% of my daily calories after 6:00 at night. Which is exactly what this article is telling me I potentially shouldn't be doing. In a nutshell, it says that lab animals gain more weight if they eat during a time they'd normally be sleeping. It has yet to be proven in humans. But there are plenty of folks out there who tout the "no food after x pm" rule. I was delighted last year when I read something -- I wish I could remember where -- that said calories are calories, it doesn't matter when you eat them. I really hope that's true, because I don't want to change the way of eating that feels most natural to me and makes me happiest. I've also been hanging my hat on something my friend J told me a while ago -- she's from Slovakia and spent a chunk of time in Spain with her then-boyfriend: that no one eats dinner there before 10 and nobody is fat. Maybe that's because they stay up super late after they eat? After all, this article is talking specifically about eating during a time you'd normally be asleep. Perhaps the Spaniards normally don't go to sleep 'til 2:00 in the morning, and that's how they avoid weight gain? Maybe my rhythms are set up similarly, and I can get away with snacking at 10pm because that's not during a time my body thinks it should be asleep?

Regardless, I do spend a lot of time wondering: if I made some substantial changes in the way I eat -- timed it differently, adjusted my mix of carbs/proteins/fats, cut out sugar and alcohol, made sure to eat a smart snack right after weight training -- would I see a big difference in my body? Would I finally be rid of the genetic thunder thighs that 5 years of running and weightlifting haven't winnowed away? Would I have a super sleek body with well-defined muscles? I don't know. And because I love eating and drinking so much, and doing those things at the times of day that feel best to me, I may never find out. Maybe it's just not that important to me (yet).

Weight gain during marathon training

I was searching for marathon training programs online the other day and came across this article:

http://www.thatsfit.com/2009/08/11/is-marathon-training-making-you-fat

Basically, it says that instead of losing weight while running your ass off in preparation for a marathon (which is kind of what the average person might expect), it's actually pretty easy to put on a few pounds via sports drinks, gels, high-calorie recovery meals and a general sense of entitlement. After all, who doesn't feel like they can eat whatever the hell they want after running 12 miles? Or perhaps a better way of putting would be: I personally feel like I should be able to eat whatever the hell I want after running 12 miles.

Since I'm still waffling about whether or not to try for a full marathon in November, I read the article with interest and some trepidation. I don't necessarily expect to lose weight while training for a big running event -- I haven't in the past while preparing for half marathons, anyway -- but I do harbor a hope that I'll become a little leaner and more muscular through what feel to me like Herculean efforts. I'd hate to think that I could put myself through what I'm guessing will be the most challenging physical endeavor of my life (aside from the birth of my first daughter) and come out on the other side with some extra pudge to show for all my hard work. And, truth be told, a large part of the reason I exercise is so I can eat the foods I enjoy without gaining weight.

Reading the article a bit more closely made me feel somewhat better. The author seems to consume a lot of sports drinks; it also sounds like she "carbo loads" at dinner the night before a long training run. I don't do either of those things, although it must be said that I'm not particularly calorie-conscious at dinnertime. The article's conclusion was, basically, that you can't use training as an excuse to go crazy with calories -- or compensate for all your exercise with a lot of lounging around. Like that TIME magazine article a few weeks ago about how exercise won't make you thin, my response is pretty much, "Duh." Everything in moderation. I'll keep doing what I'm doing -- and if I end up gaining a few pounds while I'm training, I'll start paying more attention to what I'm eating and how active I am during my daily routine.

That means I can't add "weight gain" to my mental list of reasons not to train for a marathon ... hmm.