Close enough to check the forecast and hope that it might be accurate because it looks pretty perfect with a projected high of 48ยบ and overcast skies.
Close enough to worry that my recent troubles with insomnia will impact my stamina on the big day.
Close enough to be thinking about what I'm going to eat between now and then because it could make a difference -- good or bad -- on marathon day.
Close enough to decide to ration my alcohol consumption. (That sounds weird but what I mean is that I'm going to be very careful during this holiday week of excess.)
Close enough to be making a list of the little things I need to do before Sunday morning: the clothes to wash, the new earbuds to buy (mine have exposed wires and it would be unspeakably sad if they gave out during the marathon), the Luna Moons to get, the logistics to organize ...
And close enough to be really slowing down on my exercise, as difficult as that is for me. In September, when I made the decision to try for the marathon, I scheduled every single workout between then and the actual day. Some might call it anal but I like to be assured that I've got all my bases covered, which ended up being a bit tricky. I had to make sure I wasn't running too many days in a row -- because I know from past experience that it hurts my body. I also had to include my weight workouts and ensure they didn't take place on consecutive days. And then, of course, I had to make it all work with the rest of my life, which was an especially tall order on long run days.
I write my workouts down in a handy (although some might call it ridiculous) weekly pocket calendar; believe you me, there were a lot of crossouts as I figured and refigured how to fit everything in over the next several months. But once it was done, it was kind of nice not to have to think about it -- just to look at the day and know what I was doing. Life being what it is, I had to make some adjustments along the way -- and SuperAthlete J taught me a lot about being flexible -- but thanks to the slightly obsessive checklist I wrote at the top of every weekly spread in my calendar, I always knew exactly what I needed to achieve.
I think I may have been overambitious with my goals for this week. When I turned the page from last week and saw what I'd written for this one, I was a little dismayed. Not only had I planned to keep up with my weight workouts, I had scheduled myself to exercise every day up through Thanksgiving (although I did generously give myself two rest days in advance of the marathon).
Now that the week before the marathon is actually here, my plans don't seem so reasonable. I think they could potentially lessen my stamina on marathon day. I'm especially anxious about doing any lower body weight training too close to Sunday. I just don't want to do anything that could get in the way of my finishing the marathon, which is feeling less and less like a sure thing now that it's just days away.
So I'm doing what the books say and taking it easy. Instead of lifting weights and cross-training at the gym yesterday, I walked around Greenlake with my beautiful 9-months pregnant sister (needless to say, not the speediest circuit I've ever had). Today I will run 4 miles, tomorrow 2, Thursday 3. That's all per the marathon training calendar I've been using. Then I will stop and not run again until Sunday. And I'm not going to do any weight training at all this week.
I'm also eating pretty heartily. Not excessively or ridiculously, but I am giving myself a solid three meals a day. Again, this is what I've heard I should be doing -- storing up energy to use on the long haul.
But because of my nature, all of this makes me worry: that I'm cutting myself too much slack in the exercise department and will lose ground with my weight training; that I'm eating too much and destined to put on 5 pounds in a single week because I'm not exercising it away. (FYI, all that anxiety a couple months ago about the possibility of gaining weight while training for a marathon? I didn't gain a pound. In fact, I lost at least 5 and several friends have told me that I'm looking smaller.)
I try to tell myself that 5 hours of running on marathon day will make up for three missed workouts (assuming I'm working out an hour and a half at a stretch) but so far, it's not convincing. I don't track my weekly exercise based on total hours spent, I track it based on how many days I worked out.
So in the midst of all the "can I actually run a marathon" anxiety is a bunch of worry related to "am I going to gain weight by not exercising and not curtailing my calories." -- which makes me question my motivation for exercising. Is it just to stay slim (a word I never thought would be associated with my own body but am now just beginning to feel comfortable with)? Is it for the wonderful sense of confidence in my body, its strength, stamina and abilities?
I'm sure it's both, although I suspect it's a bit more of the former than the latter and I wish it was the other way around. Again, something to work on. In the meantime, I'll keep looking ahead to the marathon with apprehension that every once in a wonderful while transforms to excitement. Mostly though, I'm just nervous. I'm in that weird spot where I simultaneously can't wait for Sunday, and hope it never arrives.
Can I actually get through a marathon? And if I can, can I do it without feeling hugely nauseous and/or barfing in the "victory" area?
Oh my.
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